For a long time in my life, I was stuck, bitter, lost, and envious.
- I was growing up wearing clothes passed to me from older kids in the family. There were many things I wanted growing up, that I couldn’t have.
- At 13 years old I was diagnosed with a liver condition that pretty much disconnected me from other teenagers. And when kids my age were dating and drinking beer (hiding in the bushes) I was not.
- And then I got woo-woo AF chasing “healing”, “love” and “money”. I dreamed about those but didn’t know… what I wanted. All I knew was what I had and didn’t want more of, so I wanted “different”. But how different? I wasn’t thinking about that.
You know this pathetic story that I wanted to have a cat, but “couldn’t”? Because my parents didn’t want it. Living in a dormitory where pets weren’t allowed. Traveling. Renting an apartment where, again, pets weren’t allowed. At the same time, I was surrounded by people with cats. It was no big deal for them.
And for me “stupid cat” seemed impossible. (yep, stuck, lost, and bitter. That’s how I was.)
So when I learned manifestation/ the law of assumption I wanted “a revenge” for all this time I had less or something else than I wanted.
That’s when I manifested my “perfect guy” with all the characteristics I wanted my partner to have and then realized… he’s not it. He wasn’t it.
Then I asked myself WHY he wasn’t it if he “was everything”. And it hit me, I focused on the picture, on 3D manifestation I could name and describe with features. But what I truly desire is never the thing, but how I think.
For real, I didn’t want a guy whose favorite movie is also King Fu Panda. I wanted us to feel compatible, I wanted to feel understood and I wanted to feel he understands me. And I wanted us to be curious about each other. This is not what I manifested.
I stopped focusing on the things to get and started diving deep into myself. Checking what I truly, really want in terms of “big” stuff, but also daily ones. I started to be intentional with the movies I feed myself with. I committed to drinking my favorite coffee at home.
As a result, I don’t wait for Fridays, the next PIF client, or winter. I don’t fantasize about how my life will be one day.